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Anime Navigator.net :: The Main Deck :: Fanart/Fanfiction :: How Alexander the Great Really Died.

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Topic: How Alexander the Great Really Died. (Read 475 times)

Squall
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How Alexander the Great Really Died.
« Thread Started on Apr 24, 2005, 6:34pm »

“Alexander!” A voice cried from afar.

“What is it, you fool?!” Alexander yelled, turning hastily, dropping his eunuch on the floor, naked.

“Word has reached us that the Nazis have crossed the border; they are coming for you!” 
“For me, eh?” Alexander pulled up his pants and held his chin in his left hand as he paced around the room.

“So,” he said, “the Nazis think they can take on the Great Alexander, do they?! Peasant!” He cried, “Bring me my affects!” The lowly peasant brought him his armor and his sword. He strapped them onto Alexander.

“Watch my goodies! I may need them to repopulate my nation. I fear the Nazis will leave no one alive.” He raised his sword. “To the chariot!!” 
Alexander rode out to his people, screaming, “Enough of this sexual intercourse; we must battle the Nazis! Grab your weapons and not your groin; we shall be triumphant in battle, this day!"

Alexander, still holding his sword high, drove his chariot through the gate to meet the Nazis.

“Where does he think he’s going?” One of the townsfolk asked.

“I don’t know. What's a Nazi?” 
“Hell if I know.” Said another. “Should we follow his lead?” 
“Let’s not and say we did. My wife is waiting for me.” He said again.

“Is she keeping the bed warm?” Another asked.

“Warm!!” He yelled.

“Hey, William.” 
“What do you want? My wife is waiting for me in bed!” 
“Isn’t that your house on fire?” 
William looked. “Holy poo! My wife overheated!!” 
The men started laughing. “What are you laughing at?! My wife is in there!!” 
“I guess she started without you, eh, William!” They all burst out laughing. William ran to his house.

Alexander, still riding out to meet the Nazis in battle, had no idea he was the only one. “Hey,” one of the Nazi soldiers said to his fellow Nazi soldier, “izn’t zat ze Alenxander fellow?” 
“Where’s his army?” 
“I bet he thinks he can take us all on!” 
“Shut up! Sie ficken! Ride, ride to battle him now! NOW!” 
The Nazis rode down the hill towards Alexander. “Ahhhh,” Alexander cried, “they come for me? All of them? My army shall smite them! Won’t we?!?!?!” 
He turned around, raising his sword once again. There was a little girl standing there, she smiled and walked away.

“Dammit! Looks like I’ll have to take them on myself! Chariot!” He yelled, “forwaaarrrddd!!!” He road and road, as fast as he could.

One of the wheels of the chariot struck a snail, (yes, a snail) and he flew out and broke his neck.

The Nazis reached his body. “Hey,” one said, “looks like he fell off.” 
“Is he dead?” 
“I’m not sure. Let’s wait.” 
“I’m not waiting for anything!” He drove a pike into Alexander's leg.

“Did you see him move?” 
“You should have seen him move! You stuck the thing in his leg!” 
“Aye… Aye… Blind in both eyes, you know.” 
“Then no, he didn’t move.” 
“Let’s poke him with our swords.” 
So, the Nazis spent the day poking Alexander's mangled body, his people started a Democracy, and William was their Prime Minister. He found a few new wives, and started a master race. They collapsed soon after from sexual frustration.

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Luke, I am your führer. . .

EvaXenoPhon
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Re: How Alexander the Great Really Died.
« Reply #1 on May 16, 2005, 7:38pm »

Now that was...enlightening... >_>;;

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Sure this pic is rather old, but it looks so cool!

Hariken
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Re: How Alexander the Great Really Died.
« Reply #2 on Jun 3, 2005, 5:24pm »

it can't end that way there must be more...what about the man-eating-horse thing?

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when the strings of life have faded and the fates have clipped the wings of the innocent...I the walabi king will rule the world and all your base are belong to us

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